How to Succeed in Evil » Writer's Blog

So I have a t-shirt somewhere that says “Evo is my God” — he was giving them out at DragonCon a couple of years ago. He’s a magnificent bastard, not self-effacing, but.. Anyway, I think Evo’s spot on. I think I’ll start doing podcasts of the process. You will NEED to tell me if it becomes boring and self-indulgent.

Yes, there will be a few spoilers. But really, who cares? Spoilers only ruin the most venial kind of storytelling. Take, for example, good old William Shakespeare. He had a habit of giving away the whole story in the first minute of the play.

1 Two households, both alike in dignity,
2 In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,
3 From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,
4 Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.
5 From forth the fatal loins of these two foes
6 A pair of star-cross’d lovers take their life;
7 Whose misadventured piteous overthrows
8 Do with their death bury their parents’ strife,
9 The fearful passage of their death-mark’d love,
10 And the continuance of their parents’ rage,
11 Which, but their children’s end, nought could remove,
12 Is now the two hours’ traffic of our stage;
13 The which if you with patient ears attend,
14 What here shall miss, our toil shall strive to mend.

Sometimes it’s tricky to see things clearly through the Elizabethan English. Two families hate each other. Their kids fall in love and then commit suicide. That’s the whole story. But Swounds Man! It doesn’t take one whit away from the play. Because the question of all great imaginative fiction is not how or what but why? Crappy Sci-Fi cares about how the teleporter works. Great Sci-Fi cares about why, when the teleporter can only save your wife or your son, you choose who you do. In fact, that’s all of great writing.

As another example, here’s a bit of scene where Topper convinces Edwin to sue Excelsior (basically Superman). That completely spoils the piece, but, even knowing that, I’ll wager you enjoy it thoroughly.

“You really think we can sue him?”, asked Edwin

“I know we can. It’s called the law. And if anybody can twist it to work in your favor, it’s me. But more importantly than that, we’ll have public opinion on our side. It will be fun, easy and profitable. And I know how you like profit.”

“But he’s a costumed hero. Beloved by the masses he protects.”

“Beloved? No, he’s famous. He famous because he can fly and bullets bounce off his chest. He’s not famous because he’s a talented guy. He’s not famous because he’s a nice guy. People like the show, the don’t give a shit about the person. In fact, they secretly dislike him.”

“You mean you secretly dislike him.”

“You’re goddamned right I dislike him. I actually have a secret grudge against everybody who’s taller than I am. Excepting you big fella. You’re so freakishly tall, it wraps around, I actually feel a little kinship. The world wasn’t made to fit either of us. Anyway,” Topper shook off this line of thinking like a dog shaking off water, “my point is, how do you like a guy who constantly reminds you that you’re inferior? You might kiss his ass in case you need him. You might put him on the Christmas card list for getting little fluffy out of that Elm tree,”

Now that Topper was all revved up, Edwin couldn’t resist, “Elm?”

“Maple, pine, spruce, it can be a friggin Juniper bush for all I care. Point is, he’s arrogant. Prideful. And what does pride goeth before?” The pause became so long it was no longer rhetorical.

Reluctantly Edwin said, “A fall?”

“Not anymore my lanky friend. These days, pride goeth before settling out of court for a big fat wad of sweaty cash.”

“Would that be the proverbial wad of sweaty cash?”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you like. Let’s just get this asshole.”

“Is this personal for you?”

“Yeah it’s personal. It’s always personal with me. That’s why I’m so good. come on Ed, this is a guy, you tell him to take a flying fuck at a rolling donut, he can actually take a flying fuck at a rolling donut? Who likes that guy? Wait, don’t answer that. I’m your laywer I’ll answer for you. Nobody. Nobody likes that guy.”

So I’m printing the first draft. It’s the biggest thing I’ve ever printed. 200 pages on 8.5 x 11 paper. I even jiggered the margins so it would be smaller. It’s a big moment. The thing is a big brawling mess. I’m pretty sure my toner cartridge is going to completely blow it’s wad.

Hey, lookie there, there goes page 100. Halfway there.

Some of the chapters are little more than an outline — a description, or a key bit of dialog. But all the pieces are there. Rough and incomplete as it may be, I have written a novel. I know that the first draft of everything sucks. (Quite intimately) But it is a first draft. Huzzah.

Now it’s time to read it through and see if I can make anything good out of this gangly pile of words.

So I just got a nice comment on the last episode of the El Justiador podcast from a guy named Julian. http://succeedinevil.com/2007/09/16/el-justiador-part-5/ I assume he’s Australian because his email shows up with a .au ending. And the bit that jumped out at me was

> Within a few days I had managed to find time for something I had previously no interest in and had listened to the lot.

It is exactly the kind of thing that keeps me going. It means I have something worth working into a longer form. As I have thought about it with my Edwin hat on (amazing how a character gets under your skin) the real cost of a book or movie is not the amount that one pays for it. It’s the amount you pay plus the cost of your time to ingest it. And time is pretty damn scarce. There’s a thousand, million, billion other things that someone could do with their time other than get involved with my little story. So I really appreciate it.

>I loved every podcast except for Edwin 2.0 which I felt lacked everything about Edwin that I liked and instead replaced him with a bad >stereotype that could be found in any crappy novel/film/podcast. So I was glad when I listened to Edwin 2.0 Part 2 that you had killed the >character off after listening to your fans feedback.

Yeah. Sometimes you just have to try something to see if it works or not. It’s kind of an awkward blot in the feed, but I also think it’s kind of cool that I got to try something like that with a pretty large group of people. I think it’s a uniquely web/decentralized media experience.

>My only other complaint with How to Succeed in Being Evil is the lack of quantity. The quality is fantastic and I’m sure it’s hard to keep >up that good work. However you are obviously a talented writer and story teller so all I can beg of you is keep it coming. I know I will lap i> t up and I’m sure many others will too.

The reason the output has slowed to a glacial pace is because I’m writing the novel. I’m at 62,000 words. With a little luck (and a good tailwind) I should have the draft finished by the end of the month.

Edna’s tough for a couple of reasons. One, I haven’t quite figured out what she should do in the story. I’ve got her voice pretty well nailed, but I don’t know what she has at stake. But then again, what does Moneypenny have at stake in any of the Bond novels.

The real dilemma with Edna is about changing her name. Edna and Edwin are oddly close. Disconcertingly close, one might say. And it wasn’t a choice I made consciously. Perhaps I was just E-happy that day. But I’m loathe to change it. But what’s in a name. By any other name, Edna would still be an awesome character.

Edwin had spent the entire morning trying to explain to Lifto the magnificent why he shouldn’t rob banks.

“But that’s where the money is!”, Lifto protested, bursting into laughter as if he had said one of the most original things in the long-winded history of saying things. Lifto was disappointed when, instead of joining in the hearty guffaw, Edwin searched for a non-existent speck of dirt underneath his perfectly manicured fingernails.

Lifto did not know quite how to react to this. It was not the kind of response he was used to getting. In fact, this whole morning had been strange. Windsor had come highly recommended, but Lifto felt that something was a little odd. If he had the time, or the inclination, to think about anything other than himself, he might have begun to suspect that he was not wanted. And this suspicion would have been given birth by the woman in the lobby.

Lifto had entered the office and announced himself loudly. “Lifto is here!”

Edna said nothing. In fact, her face did not move at all. After a moment’s consideration, she gave a small sniff. As sniffs, go, it was the third most contemptuous sniff of all time.

You see, Lifto the Magnificent was not, in any conventional sense of the word, magnificent. He was squat, hairy and insisted on wearing a purple unitard everywhere he went. When he became excited (which he did often) his complexion grew a shade of deep red that can only be described as purple’s mortal enemy. He was a hideous creature, prone to fits of absurd melodrama.

When it was cold, like this particular morning, he would wrap himself in a fake leopard skin. But that was all pyrotechnics as far as Edna was concerned. She noticed two things. The slavic accent. And the lack of pants.

She quickly assumed that he was a savage.

I have no idea what black, gleeful part of my soul this character came from. But God do I love this bloodthirsty little guy. Here he is talking to Edwin.

“If you messed with my head like that, you be lucky if I didn’t dress up in a Tooth Fairy costume and pipe bomb your house.”

What about this one.

“What are you talking about. Sure, the devil may be the patron saint of all defense lawyers, but God loves me. I’m meek.” He leaned out the window to scream at a minivan. “Outta the way urinal puck! We’re not getting any younger!” When he pulled his head back in the car he continued as if nothing had happened. “That’s why I’m going to inherit the earth.”

Every single time I write him, he tries to take over the story.

It seems like it’s safe to announce the thing. Kind of like a pregnancy, it’s gone on long enough that the doctors are pretty sure it’s going to go to term.

I’ve never written a novel before. I was always afraid of it. I though that writing a screenplay was easier. And I can not emphasize how WRONG I WAS. Screenplays are difficult. One might be misled into thinking they might be easier because there are fewer words on a page. One might also be misled by thinking, just because you can write dialog that, screenplays (or perhaps television) are likewise easy. These things are simply not the case.

But I guess it all depends on what you’re wired for. And, evidently, I’m wired for novels. Because it’s going pretty well. Sure, sure, the first draft of everything is shit. And to be certain those 44k words are a big, brawling mess. But it’s a big mess on it’s way someplace. And that’s very exciting.

So if I’ve been a little lax on the podcasting front, it’s because I’ve been writing. And, before that, busting my ass to save the money to get some time to write.

I’ll be posting excerpts and updates along the way. And I’ll have to record some parts to share. Honestly, Topper doesn’t lose too much on the printed page, by every time I write his dialog I want to read it. (good sign).

So thank to everybody for bearing with. It means a lot.

So I had this dynamite opportunity that sucked up all my time for the last three months. The way it goes I guess. But ‘evil has suffered. Just the way it has to be. The reality is that it’s touch and go and tug of war until I can get this thing to start paying it’s own way.

But this comment from Stephen helped me put a few things into perspective.

Chill out. My RSS reader is patient. What works is lots of ideas. Ideas take time. Even Newton complained about how long it took to get a new idea to make sense. Remember Newton? First with the reflecting telescope (the Newtonian), white light is made up of colors, calculus, orbital calculations, and on and on ad nauseum? And both Rawlings and Tolkien are known to have rewritten a chapter from scratch to fix some flaw in it. But in the end, it’s worth it.

He’s right. It takes time. An especially because I’m trying to crack a very unusual kind of story. How do you write a guy that’s smarter than you? How do you give Edwin obstacles? Either he gets pounded flat ’cause he’s got no powers, or he’s so smart nobody can overcome him. It’s a very narrow middle ground.

One of the things I’ve been doing is analyzing how novels are constructed to suck the readers in and make them care about the characters. I’m really trying to clear a lot of story bullshit from my head by going back to books that worked on me and trying to figure out why. Harry Potter does it instantly. Ender’s Game, the same. Sympathy, jeopardy and suspense. Throw in a little comedy, and that’s probably all there is.

So on my quest to revisit books that sucked me out of my life and into their world, I picked up the first book in the Wheel of Time Series. Strange that as I start his book, I learn that Robert Jordan has just passed away. Condolences. Here’s a quote from him that I find oddly appropriate right now

“If you must mount the gallows, give a jest to the crowd, a coin to the hangman, and make the drop with a smile on your lips”

Anyway, at the beginning of the book he takes a group of ordinary villiagers and thrusts them into an extraordinary situation. One could make the case that it’s Hobbits and the Shire covered over with a fresh coat of paint — but, honestly, if you want to play that game, every character who faces adversity with his friends is a frigging Hobbit. And how would it be possible to write fantasy without echoing Tolkien? Or Mythology?

But I don’t care about that. But what I notice is that, because he’s put an ordinary person in an extraordinary circumstance, we’re already on board. Harry Potter is the same thing. Basically he wakes up one day and after a life of misery and pain, he discovers he has magical powers. After that, it’s details. But the central question is, how does he come to grips with who he finds himself to be.

I’m having some success working it out with Edwin, but it’s difficult. And all the podcasts and writing so far are basically notes. I’m testing out ideas, playing with the characters.

And thank all of you for bearing with me. I promise the ride is only going to get more interesting from here.

Okay, this is kind of interesting. It’s a visual representation of the most frequently occurring words in the text of all the How to Succeed in Evil Episodes.

Technorati Tags: How to Succeed in Evil, Patrick E. McLean, TagCloud

So I keep getting questions about the music in How to Succeed in Evil. And to my surprise, people keep asking about what I call the main theme. I friend of mine turned me on to Reason and I played around with it until I had something I liked. When I started ‘Evil the podsafe music network didn’t exist and I needed some music so I did the best I could.

and this was it.

The file was lost in the hard drive crash that inspired the “Scary Story” pirate episode. And I don’t really play piano so I don’t remember what it was. It was in F minorish.

And somewhere along the way I discovered a piece of music called Ether by the Flavor Foundation. It has an inexorable sense to it. Downtempo but moving forward. And that’s what I’ve been using for the title music. You can find it on iTunes. Highly recommend the whole CD.

And if you want more tracks I consider in the evil vibe try Massive Attack’s Unfinished Sympathy and Super Bon Bon by Soul Coughing.

It is the expected cliche of our time to say, “I’ve been busy” but truly, I have. While there hasn’t been much going on on the site, there has been quite a bit going on behind the scenes. So here’s a peek. Read the rest of this entry